The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
