I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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