Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
