im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
