are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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