im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
