I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
