New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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