Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
