Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
