did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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