this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
