I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
