but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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