Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
