every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
