RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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