Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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