hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
