Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
