Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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