maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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