why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
