I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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