Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
