My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
