dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
