please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
