Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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