Your tits are I can't wait for
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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