Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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