i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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