guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
