I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
