just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
