I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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