It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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