The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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