I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
