I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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