What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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