I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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