winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
