I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
