two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
