He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
