While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
