Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
