I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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