Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she told me i tasted like america
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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