In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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