ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
